Jewish wedding ceremonies are filled with symbolism. The fundamental elements of a wedding are the chuppah (the wedding canopy), the statement made by the groom to his bride, in which he declares his intention to take her as his wife, and her acceptance of him. The rabbi does not create the marriage. Rabbis only ensure that everything is done correctly. The use of a rabbi, the ketubah (marriage contract), the ring ceremony, the breaking of the glass, the bride walking around the groom, and other things were not present in the days of Moses.
Deuteronomy 22:13 describes how marriages were done in the days of Moses and for some time thereafter. It was an act performed by a man, not by a woman. He would ask her to marry him, and her role was to accept the marriage and allow him to have sex with her. The verse states, “If a man takes a wife and has sex with her, but (later, after these acts of marriage, he dislikes her, the verses go on to speak about divorce).”
The Chuppah
Chuppah means “canopy” or “covering.” It is the wedding canopy under which the bride and groom stand during a Jewish wedding ceremony.[1] The Chuppah is symbolic of a room where the bride and groom go to have sex. It is one of two such symbolic events. The other is called Yichud. After the wedding ceremony, the couple goes into a room for a sufficient time to have sex. This, as well as the Chuppah, recalls the ancient practice that marriages were consummated with sex.
The word “chuppah” appears in the Torah in Joel 2:16 (“Gather the people. Consecrate the congregation; assemble the elders; gather the children, even nursing infants. Let the bridegroom leave his room, and the bride her chamber.”) and Psalms 19:5 (“It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber.”)
These verses, which mention a “chamber, refer to a private enclosure or chamber, often associated with the bridal chamber or the groom’s home, where the couple would consummate their marriage. The current notion that the chuppah is a symbol of the new home developed later during the Middle Ages. Similarly, the understanding that it signifies the couple’s commitment to creating a shared life, that it represents God’s presence and blessing over their union, and the open sides of the chuppah, reminiscent of Abraham and Sarah’s tent, emphasize hospitality and welcome to all, were all developed long after the chuppah was first used.
Why did the rabbis stop the ancient practice of consummating the marriage?
The Talmud Kiddushin 2a states that marriages are performed in one of three ways: the male giving money or something worth money to his intended, handing her a contract, or having sex. The rabbis added the first two and discouraged the third because they felt it was indecent, mainly because they felt there should be witnesses to the marriage who might be necessary in the future to prove the marriage occurred, and witnesses to sex is unseemly.
A ring soon became the object used to initiate the marriage because it has at least some monetary value. The earliest currently existing evidence of the use of rings in marriages is found in ancient Egypt. Egyptians made rings from woven reeds or leather. They considered the never-ending roundness of the rings as symbols of strength and the permanence of love, eternal. The Romans and Jews later adopted this practice, and it is a universal custom today.
The rabbis mandated that diamonds and other jewels should not be in the ring during the wedding ceremony to avoid any possible post-ceremony strife that there was deception or misunderstanding regarding the ring’s worth. Diamonds can be added after the ceremony.
Breaking Glass
Stomping or breaking a glass at a Jewish wedding is another symbolic act. The rabbis instructed us to recall the destruction of the Temple as often as possible, especially during times of joy and celebration. The wedding, being for most couples a time of supreme happiness, gave rise to the custom of recalling the destruction at this time.
Other meanings were later assigned, such as the importance of remembering historical struggles and the impermanence of things, the fragility of human relationships, urging the couple to cherish and protect their bond, and recognizing that one misstep in a marriage can destroy it.
The bride circling the groom
In the Ashkenazi tradition, the bride circles her groom either three or seven times under the chuppah. I recall that my mother’s brother, the brilliant scholar Rabbi Dr. Sydney B. Hoenig, author of the classic book, “The Great Sanhedrin: A Study of the Origin, Development, Composition and Functions of the Bet Din Ha-Gadol During the Second Jewish Commonwealth,” suggested it was a way the Ashkenazic Jews gave women a part in the wedding service. She acquired the groom as her husband, just as the patriarch Abraham acquired the land of Israel for himself and his descendants.
The idea of walking the land to acquire it originates from Genesis 13:17, where God tells Abraham (then Abram), “Arise, walk through the land, to its length and its breadth, for I will give it to you.” The Talmud discusses this verse, specifically in Tractate Bava Batra 100a. Rabbi Eliezer states there that Abraham’s walk was a symbolic act of kinyan (acquisition), through which he took possession of the land for himself and his descendants.
Some people believe this practice arose to create a protective magical wall against demons, temptation, and the seduction of other women. Others think the bride is symbolically creating a new family circle, whatever that may mean.
The numbers seven and three were likely chosen for this event because seven is a popular number in Judaism, occurring in over a hundred practices, because it recalls God’s creation of the world, and because it symbolizes a complete act. Three is considered half of seven and is also frequently used in both Judaism and fairy tales. It also recalls Abraham’s three-day trip to sacrifice his son Isaac in Genesis 22, a journey similar to the marriage walk, and a significant act, just as marriage is significant.
[1] A yarmalka is called a kippah, from the same root, because it covers the head.
I like the idea that the chuppah symbolizes Abraham and Sarah’s tent, it is open to all. In Genesis 13:17, God tells Abraham to walk the land from its “length and its breadth.” This is rational. If someone is going to acquire new land, it is a good idea to walk around the land, to know your land. Abraham walked along his land to see what he was going to acquire.
“The rabbis instructed us to recall the destruction of the Temple as often as possible, especially during times of joy and celebration. The wedding, being for most couples a time of supreme happiness, gave rise to the custom of recalling the destruction at this time.”
I agree with the rabbis that it is important to know our history but wouldn’t recalling the destruction of the temple dampens the mood? It never seems to because when I see weddings the groom always joyfully steps on the glass because he is thinking about the wedding and tradition. I don’t think there is ever going to be another temple but if it is ever built, what would happen to this tradition?
I’m glad you liked what I wrote. In regard to remembering the destruction of the temple, it is not to add a sad moment to the happy wedding, but a reminder to begin the wedding life with Jewish values in mind, values that prompt improvement.
That was a good answer, Israel.
Thanks, Turk.
When I speak of the blood covenant marriage, I speaking of the shedding of blood on the marriage bed. The covenant is cut. I don’t know what you’re talking about specifically.
The term is also used to indicate a marriage by cutting the skin and sharing blood. It exists in three states. I thought this is what you meant. I apologize.
Is the concept of three important nowadays because of the origin of the “trinity”
No, three was possible long before the concept of a trinity was adopted.
The idea of an ancient blood covenant marriage verses a contract marriage has dissimilar meanings. The is no divorce in blood covenant marriage but there is in contact marriages. You can look up the difference online. I look forward to the day when the messiah comes and establishes the true blood covenant marriage for all.
Hi Michelle,
Thanks for your information about a blood covenant marriage. It is, as you know, only allowed in three US States. It is not now, or as far as I know, ever a part of a Jewish marriage ceremony
Israel
Deuteronomy 22:13 provides insight into the practices of our ancestors, dear Rabbi Israel Drazin. In those days, the initiation of marriage was indeed a man’s prerogative, as you have noted. He would take a wife, and the union would be consummated through the act of intimacy.
However, it is essential to recognize that the Torah also places significant emphasis on the woman’s agency and autonomy in the marital relationship. Although the man may have initiated the marriage, the woman’s consent and acceptance were implicit in the process. The Talmud, in its commentary on this verse, highlights the importance of the woman’s willingness to enter into the marriage.
It is also worth noting that the Torah’s discussion of divorce, which follows the verse you cited, underscores the importance of treating the woman with dignity and respect, even in the event of a marriage’s dissolution. The laws of divorce, as outlined in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, demonstrate a concern for the woman’s well-being and protection of her rights.
I believe that the Torah’s teachings on marriage and relationships must be understood within the broader context of Jewish values and ethics. The principles of justice, compassion, and respect for human dignity must guide our understanding of these issues, and inform our treatment of one another in all aspects of life, including marriage and relationships.
I agree.