- Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
- Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- In filling out an application, where it says, “In case emergency, notify…” I answered “a doctor.”
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Going to church or synagogue doesn’t make you a Christian or Jew, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
It helps these days to laugh
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